Serjeant monologue (Act 3) — The Lame Lover: A Comedy in Three Acts

So, my lord not being able to sit, there was no occasion for me.--I can't put that girl's nonsense out of my head--My wife is young to be sure, and loves pleasure I own; but as to the _main_ article, I have not the least ground to suspect her in that--No, no!--And then Sir Luke! my _prosien ami_, the dearest friend I have in the--Heyday! [_seeing the collation_] What the deuce have we here?--A collation!--So, so--I see madam knows how to divert herself during my absence.--What's this? [_seeing the block_] Oh, ho! ha! ha! ha!--Well, that's pretty enough I protest.--Poor girl, I see she could not be happy without having something at table that resembled me.--How pleas'd she will be to find me here in propriâ personâ.--By your leave, Mrs. Circuit--[_sits down and eats_] Delicate eating, in troth--and the wine [_drinks_]--Champaign as I live--must have t'other glass--They little think how that gentleman there regales himself in their absence--Ha! ha! ha!--quite convenient, I vow--the heat of the weather has made me--Come, brother Coif, here's your health--[_drinks_]--I must pledge myself I believe--[_drinks again_]--devilish strong--pshut!--Somebody's coming--[_gets up and goes towards the wings_]--What do I see? Four lawyers! What the devil can be the meaning of this? I should be glad to get at the bottom of--Hey! By your leave, brother Serjeant--I must crave the use of your robe--[_sits down, and gets under the gown_]--Between ourselves, this is not the first time this gown has cover'd a fraud.