The Double-Dealer: A Comedy

CARELESS, SIR PAUL, _and_ LADY PLYANT.

Sir Paul. Shan't we disturb your meditation, Mr. Careless? You would be private?

Care. You bring that along with you, Sir Paul, that shall be always welcome to my privacy.

Sir Paul. O sweet sir, you load your humble servants, both me and my wife, with continual favours.

Lady Plyant. Sir Paul, what a phrase was there? You will be making answers, and taking that upon you which ought to lie upon me. That you should have so little breeding to think Mr. Careless did not apply himself to me. Pray what have you to entertain anybody's privacy? I swear and declare in the face of the world I'm ready to blush for your ignorance.

Sir Paul. I acquiesce, my lady; but don't snub so loud. [_Aside to her_.]

Lady Plyant. Mr. Careless, if a person that is wholly illiterate might be supposed to be capable of being qualified to make a suitable return to those obligations, which you are pleased to confer upon one that is wholly incapable of being qualified in all those circumstances, I'm sure I should rather attempt it than anything in the world, [_Courtesies_] for I'm sure there's nothing in the world that I would rather. [_Courtesies_] But I know Mr. Careless is so great a critic, and so fine a gentleman, that it is impossible for me--

Care. O heavens! madam, you confound me.

Sir Paul. Gads-bud, she's a fine person.

Lady Plyant. O Lord! sir, pardon me, we women have not those advantages; I know my imperfections. But at the same time you must give me leave to declare in the face of the world that nobody is more sensible of favours and things; for with the reserve of my honour I assure you, Mr. Careless, I don't know anything in the world I would refuse to a person so meritorious. You'll pardon my want of expression.

Care. O, your ladyship is abounding in all excellence, particularly that of phrase.

Lady Plyant. You are so obliging, sir.

Care. Your ladyship is so charming.

Sir Paul. So, now, now; now, my lady.

Lady Plyant. So well bred.

Care. So surprising.

Lady Plyant. So well dressed, so _bonne mine_, so eloquent, so unaffected, so easy, so free, so particular, so agreeable.

Sir Paul. Ay, so, so, there.

Care. O Lord, I beseech you madam, don't.

Lady Plyant. So gay, so graceful, so good teeth, so fine shape, so fine limbs, so fine linen, and I don't doubt but you have a very good skin, sir,

Care. For heaven's sake, madam, I'm quite out of countenance.

Sir Paul. And my lady's quite out of breath; or else you should hear--Gads-bud, you may talk of my Lady Froth.

Care. O fie, fie, not to be named of a day. My Lady Froth is very well in her accomplishments. But it is when my Lady Plyant is not thought of. If that can ever be.

Lady Plyant. O, you overcome me. That is so excessive.

Sir Paul. Nay, I swear and vow that was pretty.

Care. O, Sir Paul, you are the happiest man alive. Such a lady! that is the envy of her own sex, and the admiration of ours.

Sir Paul. Your humble servant. I am, I thank heaven, in a fine way of living, as I may say, peacefully and happily, and I think need not envy any of my neighbours, blessed be providence. Ay, truly, Mr. Careless, my lady is a great blessing, a fine, discreet, well-spoken woman as you shall see, if it becomes me to say so, and we live very comfortably together; she is a little hasty sometimes, and so am I; but mine's soon over, and then I'm so sorry.--O Mr. Careless, if it were not for one thing--